"Melissa and Joe and Frank and Archie and Peter and Don and another Frank and so on and so forth"

Here's a freebie.  Just sit on your go-to hand until it goes completely numb, and then sit back and fap while imagining Joe Spinell naked.  You totally won't know the difference.

Please donate to my Kickstarter campaign to fund a romantic comedy starring a holographic Joe Spinell called "Frank Zito's Walk of Shame".  A contribution of $.05 or more qualifies you for a vintage pair of Bill Lustig's boxer briefs.

Eh, who cares about the casting.  PTA is doing a Pychon novel.  I'd go see it if they announced Jeff Speakman and Ann Coulter had been cast.

Altogether Insubstantial Deceased Simulacrums

"That means, Ho, you've been shitted on.
I'm not the first hologram that shitted on your lawn."

Now pass the Funyuns.

A broadcast TV lineup. How quaint.  Suddenly I'm in the mood to shop for some nice white doilies.

Cletus, the Slack-Jawed Yokel: The Movie.

Agreed.  It's also funny enough to be a stand-up album with musical accompaniment.

The new Rugged Man doesn't have the strongest beats but damn if that white boy can't dazzle lyrically.  The true successor to Big Pun and punchlines that are laugh out loud funny.

Spinal Tap were great!  I saw them open for a puppet show once.

The Road Warrior.
The quintessential Western set after the apocalypse, with souped-up V-8s instead of horses, and bi-curious biker gangs instead of Indians.  Also love it for Brian May's muscular symphonic score, insane car stunts, the Gyro man's proto-hipster look, super stylish camera work and action, and Bennett…

Tyler Perry Presents Who Gives A Shit What I Call It Cuz All Y'all Will Come See That Shit Anyways

"there’s a little John McTiernan and a bit of John Woo’s Hong Kong work"

Being a programmer myself, I really wanted to chortle at your display of italicized wit.  Alas, said wit resulted in unexpected error at runtime.

Why are they in the jungle? Are they hunting for the fabled lost Ruby of Pascal?

Probably in the nuts.  After he put them shits up on the dresser and banged them shits with, like, a spiked bat.

He's that skinny nigga on the boat, the "in my lifetime" nigga….

Ennis gets a lifetime pass for Punisher Kills the Marvel Universe.