You have a category reserved for people who purchase Susan Lucci's Malibu Pilates contraption, plunk down $30 (or more, somehow) to watch Paul Blart Mall Cop and then rush home to watch According to Jim? That's almost as fucked up as my "people who watch TSN while bathing in a vat of soy sauce before masturbating with…

No, no, no you're thinking about "High School High" not "School Daze."

You guys really need to combine your movie-nerd forces into one unstoppable criticizing machine. I don't care what format it's in, just do it alright? Don't make me beg.

The only women I buy are paraplegic women. You see, I own and operate a fully functional, self sustaining and free range farm for paraplegic women in Western New York. They get to spend their nights rolling around the wonderfully maintained, fenced in basketball court, and they spend their evenings working as Chuck…

Does throwing a cell phone at a paraplegic women who I *swear* gave me a dirty look count? Don't worry, it wasn't my cell phone.

Bravo Mr. Johnathan! I thought the same thing about her "full court press" reference. I thought back to all my CYO and High School glory days and shivered at the idea of the beating I would've taken if I tried to drive through a full court press. Yes, my coaches used to physically beat me when I messed up, and, yes…

- insert obligatory "hey he's a blind governor" comment here-

It could go on, but I'm not sure it needs to. Those two are the blurst.

Dang, it's 66 degrees here in scenic Western New York and I've already punched 3 black people, a baby, a latina fantastica, 6 kittens, a puppy and somehow got into a shouting match a cashier working the checkout line when I went to buy lunch.

I could
handle Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Billy Mays and Karl Malden, but Robert McNamara and Allen Klein? You've gone too far this time Death! Too Far!

That was a faux-gasm? So *thats* why it looked so familiar.

I personally can't wait for MJ to star in The Whiz 2: Re-Groovin On Down The Road, he plays the scarecrow again, but I've heard it's more of a cameo as his range has been limited recently.

My question to you is this: if you're using a vibrating butt plug, why does it have to be neon lit and not just neon colored? I'm asking out of general curiosity, here.

So *thats* why I can't stand them!

Okay, here's an anecdote about this very product.

I'm on it! Powder me up.

Rob Schneider is secretly the king of the hipsters, it's why we all carry around a lot of self loathing, because, deep down, we all know we're just doing what Deuce Bigelow wants us to do. -sigh-

Dude, not for nothing, but there are destitute Malaysian children struggling in quick sand who are on solid enough ground to take potshots at Mencia and Cook.

I hope so!

Flint Techno would be a pretty awesome band name, but only if the band was the complete opposite of Techno. Like a polka band or something. I don't know. I want to go home and drink now.