Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid peed on!

…The Kidd Creole is nominated for "Player Hater of the Year" for calling in a bomb threat at the Special Olympics…

♫ Little Kidd Creole sitting on the corner
With no shoes and clothes
This ain't funny, but he took his knife
And stabbed an old hobo
Freeze! Haha ha ha! Rock!
Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock!
Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock! ♫

"You Maniacs! You messed it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!

I thought I was smart when I bought the giant VHS pussy, instead of the giant beta pussy, because beta was on its way out, but then they switched to giant DVD pussy, and then giant Blu Ray pussy, and I just fell behind the times.

I got a coprophagia notification for this??

They're all qualified because when they were in school, all they did was take up space.*

It's rumored that David Caruso might take the Edward James Olmos part on the show….
If he does, it might be…

Rick Grimes: CORAL!!!

According to Kid Rock, it's on the border of Dumbfuckistan

…won't get fooled again…

Part of the reason for the long run time is a 35-minute montage of "It"
trying to put on clown shoes

Hans Zimmer: Do you really think we have a chance to make this good, Mr. Cowboy?

♫ And you may find yourself escorted off the White House lawn
And you may hear yourself saying Bannon sucks his own cock
And you may see Trump behind the wheel of a large Fire Truck
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with no beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself, "Well… how did I get here?" ♫

Harvard Spokesperson: What the fuck happened to the Harvard I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? This could be the greatest day of our lives, but you're gonna let it be the worst. "Ooh, we're afraid to say somebody's dead, we might get in trouble." Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm…

"I heard John Popper went on Twitter, and he ate everything on Twitter,
and they had to close the Twitter."

he doesn't know where i liv….

Random Internet "John Popper's so fat" joke -

If a bloomin' onion isn't evil, then how come it feels like the Devil is living in my gallbladder whenever I've eaten one?

it's Morse code: