Also a scene where a drug addled Mr. Fantastic gets beat up in a parking lot by a gang of dudes after his attempt at male prostitution goes horribly wrong.

It's almost like movie studios only care about money!!!!!

It can't be any worse than the new Google News layout.

" He’s a high school dropout who later earned a doctor of education degree."

My favorite part of the whole trilogy is from The Bourne Supremacy, when Joan Allen pulls Brian Cox into an interview room.

If the formula for Darren Aronofksy movies is "Ass to Ass" then I am fucking down.

Then they took her to a better hospital, where her condition was upgraded to "Alive".

You don't need nephews and nieces to leave your legacy, there are other ways to make your mark.

If your case involves bird law, I'm more than qualified.

I honestly feel bad because my brother and I are both married and neither of us wants kids (same with our spouses). My poor mother always jokes "I must've raised you terribly for you to feel that way!!" but in reality it's because I'm super lazy and I just can't cope with that whole scene, man.

Fuck it, I wouldn't want to fight someone who's lived to be 101. They're probably extremely spry.

I’m swelling with patriotic mucus!

Here's a picture of my new kitten, also named Rufio:

Don't worry, once Zuckerberg is president he'll get it all sorted out.

That, and slandering others anonymously.

Does Twitter still not have a captcha as part of the signup process?

I'm drunk.

Welp, looks like my time leaving comments on this website are done for. It's been a good run, later assholes!

Anyone remember that godawful Russell Crowe Robin Hood movie? Tell me he didn't star in that piece of shit to pay off bookies or something.

Yeah but I'm a moron so it's not that…….HOLY SHIT, LOOK HOW SHINY THIS SPOON IS