By the way, if you watch the video of Simone Manuel receiving her gold medal and don't tear up just a little, you're a goddamned cyborg.

HAH. Did anyone ever put bricks in the case to give it a little heft?

BIDEN'S BUDDY BLAZE THINKS ALL THESE SONGS ARE HORSESHIT.

https://www.youtube.com/wat…

Christ, it's not like you were hawking shady "alternative energy providers" or something. Is it really that hard to just say "No" and resume waiting for your shitty Orange Julius?

I'M DR. TED NELSON!!!

James Ellroy is an odd man but holy shit I love his books.

Who got the enormous megaphone in the divorce?

It's certainly amusing to read their hack writers hurl insults at Peter Thiel as if his money was used to bribe every juror rather than simply provide for competent legal representation. Maaaaaybe not publish stolen sex tapes next time guys!

Good burn, website that employed a guy who apparently thought it was a good idea to joke about publishing a sex tape involving a four year old during a deposition!

JUST GIVE ME SOME FUCKING COCAINE YOU ASSHOLES

True.

ALSO ROBERT FUCKING LOGGIA

Spoiler alert: The wall is going to be made out of cocaine.

IT BETTER HAVE THIS GODDAMNED FUCKING SONG:

Yeah because he's rich as fuck and also he's Matthew McConaughey. What is there to be tortured about?

I would bet my life savings that no one calls him "Ace" and that he gave himself that nickname.

Imagine training and sacrificing your entire life to even make it to the Olympics. Now imagine you're a diver and your one chance at glory means diving into a pool of water that's the same color as my toilet the day after St. Patty's Day. Now that's commitment.

Yeah I'm pretty sure he just acted as himself when he played that hitman in "The Iceman." I would def cross the street if I ever saw him coming. Not that I'd get away, but at least I'd make an effort.

Goddamn, I like how McConaughey has to wear approximately 45 lanyards around his neck to attend said games.