I'm not sure what is in my local Toys 'R' Us because there was some…….unpleasantness. I can never go back.

This'll be a nice memory for that kid when he goes back to his job in a Chinese copper mine tomorrow.

Indiana Jones and the Tampon of Doom

YOU DON'T TALK TO NICOTREL LIKE THAT

HOLY SHIT I DO NOT CARE

Yeah it's tied into that. If you ask me, those are the motherfuckers the government should be going after instead of every person who walks into a mosque. They are dangerous, unstable and definitely wouldn't hesitate to murder a police officer.

A good friend of mine works for the law firm that Snipes fired before his IRS trial because they refused to go along with his lunatic tax denier strategy. Seriously, look up some of the people associated with that movement (such as Eddie Ray Kahn). They are beyond batshit crazy.

Shitty Philly cheese steaks, obv.

That wasn't Zack, it was Generic Douchebag Frat Boy #1!

My god, this is even worse than the time Kevin the Robot gave Screech a black eye!

EARTH TO TALL BITCH

If it means never having to see Chewbacca Mom's stupid fat face ever again, it'll be worth it.

THIS is why we need more guns in schools.

Hey, lay off of George Hamilton. He's doing the best he can.

Unless it's this robot: https://www.youtube.com/wat…

My strategy for eating Arby's is to just throw the food directly in the toilet and have someone hit me in the stomach with a tire iron.

I hope the robots come with a "Perpetually Stoned" mode so they fit in with all the other human employees.

I would like to once again point out how much of a control freak Mike Myers is with his movies. He pretty much controls every single shot, every joke, everything. So when you watch "The Love Guru" (because you're strapped to a chair with your eyes held open, Clockwork style) just remember THAT'S the product Myers…

It works out well because that's the only way I can maintain an erection these days.

My advice: Start smoking. Lung cancer takes the weight right off and it's refreshing like a mountain stream!






Note: The conditions of my parole require me to inform you that I am not a medical doctor.