I can often sense the O'Neal in Onion articles.  I'm sure he's written for them, but I've always felt like it was rude to ask.

"Who is your daddy, and what does he do?" — Wayne LaPierre

"Who is your daddy, and what does he do?" — Wayne LaPierre

I've been pissing off birds and throwing them at pigs for coming on 20 years now.

I've been pissing off birds and throwing them at pigs for coming on 20 years now.

You just blew my mind.  HA! Get it?

You just blew my mind.  HA! Get it?

I don't think you are taking his message very seriously.  Don't be surprised when you get home and find someone has written "EAT LEAD, O'NEAL" with a tommy gun on the side of your house.

I don't think you are taking his message very seriously.  Don't be surprised when you get home and find someone has written "EAT LEAD, O'NEAL" with a tommy gun on the side of your house.

The other way to stop a bad guy with a gun is to stick your finger in the barrel of the gun so it explodes in his face when he pulls the trigger. 

The other way to stop a bad guy with a gun is to stick your finger in the barrel of the gun so it explodes in his face when he pulls the trigger. 

Is it?  I mean, it's probably not, but it totally could be, know'm'sayin?

Is it?  I mean, it's probably not, but it totally could be, know'm'sayin?

Know'm'sayin?

Know'm'sayin?

They used to have a stack of them by the door at Tower Records.  I was shoplifting them for years before someone told me they weren't free.

They used to have a stack of them by the door at Tower Records.  I was shoplifting them for years before someone told me they weren't free.

Those weren't more dead cats?

Those weren't more dead cats?

It's a reference!  I love references!