My grandfather, a white Lieutenant Colonel, led African-American soldiers in the Quartermaster Corps. They built roads and bridges, loaded trucks, and dug graves.

Kidd Cre-Hole (in Your Chest)

“What the hell are you getting so upset about?” he asked her bewilderedly in a tone of contrite amusement. “I thought you didn’t believe in God.”

I believe you. I lived in Charleston, home of one of America's oldest Jewish communities, for several years and got more-or-less used to seeing headstones with both Stars of David and CSA insignia.

I can never get past the fact that there's a character named Ginger Nut.

Gore Vidal wrote that the entire Republican agenda could be encapsulated as "Get the n——-rs."

There's a new commercial around here. A teacher asks the group of adorable little children surrounding her "Just what makes Eastern Kentucky so special?" As one, they answer, "Coal!" "Nooooooo," she responds. "What makes Eastern Kentucky special is you!"

"Nerd" used to mean "has a Ph.D. in medieval French church architecture." Now it means "huge Stan Lee enthusiast."

The smuttiness of it got to me. Five minutes of dick jokes is terrific. Half an hour is a third grade playground.

It actually is.

Killjoy? Nonsense! I am incredibly happy to read the phrase "Munchkin asshole"!

I didn't see your jokes till I red your post the second time!

We have a couple of hundred cookbooks and use Betty Crocker most by far.

That's how victuals is pronounced. Anyone who articulates the the /c/ is wrong. Of course, pronouncing it right will get you called out as a cute hillbilly.

Don't you think Barron's dad lets him look at Ivanka's boobs—to see what a nice, gropable set really looks like?

My grandma was a saint till she turned about eighty-five and dementia set in. Then shit got real.

I live out in the country, and there's one farm house where the chickens are free-range. They just wander right out in the road. When you first move out here and are still given to city ways, you swerve to avoid them. That lasts about the month it takes for you to realize that they could have sent you off the road and…

My students had a bet about which of their professors, me or this other dude, could do the most damage to an all-you-can-eat wings buffet. We never got around to testing the proposition since he was led off-campus one day and issued a restraining order.

OJ managed not to kill anyone while he was playing there (just as he did not kill anyone in Brentwood—the jury has decided).

They aren't from boy cows?