He still has to pee on a (newspaper) page.

Like Burt Reynolds in 1989?

I have a friend with a degree in theology. He told me that dogs don't have souls, so they don't go anywhere. They just die. I told him to get out of my fucking house.

Look, Samus—we've told you this repeatedly—"putting a dog down" does NOT mean forcing its beautiful, hungry snout down onto your naked crotch.

I'm good with this plan—although I would forget that it's on Netflix and never watch it—you know, like those other shows.

Seriously? I can live with commercials (bathroom break; pretend to enjoy spouse and children's company; pick and examine eye boogers), so I don't understand why anyone would pay ~$10 (?) a month to avoid them.

My wife doesn't care for Manwiches or any sloppy joe-ish sandwiches, so we don't make them (or hot dogs, which she also dislikes) when she's here for dinner. But she's out of town for the weekend.

Watched the first episode, liked it, forgot it was on, never watched again.

It was a pretty good show, as was Northern Exposure, two CBS series from that era that deserve to be remembered for their Twin Peaks ultra-lite approach to smalltown quirk.

I remember hearing it as a baseball expression long before ever hearing it used in the more general sense.

When he said, "Woebegone," he looked like a younger Garrison Keillor, all twinkly 'n' puckish 'n' shit..

To vote for Mitch McConnell.

I don't eat pork, but I'd eat that shit in the picture.

Well, she's a muf-
Fin!

Gosh. If this turns into a fight to the death and everyone in both bands dies, who wins?

I'm watching The Leftovers and reading the nutso review-plus-comments of the first year. It's hard not to join in.

That's also the name of the famous bookstore in Paris! So fuck books! And fuck Paris! Unless there's a terrorist attack on Paris, in which case We all stand with Paris! Unless the terrorist happens to be a white guy attacking Muslims, in which case Fuck Paris!

"Papa-Daddy's Mam's papa and sulks" is the greatest sentence in all of literature.

We're in luck! Stephen Greenblatt just found one in the British Library, and from its title, it appears to be just the thing: Crassus, King of Assus Grabbus.

The last thing you see on earth is Jell-O salad? Man, that's something to take with you to paradise!