Second weekend as well. I'll definitely be there for Gaslight Anthem. Childish Gambino, Lorde, and Lana are the others that pushed me over into the buy column.

You just need to get a fat crackhead to take your virginity then shit in your bed and that Commie is yours!

Someone in my neighborhood used to have theirs named "Rape Factory". I kind of assumed it was the high school next door.

I came for the sight of Natalie Dormer in that dress.

Why, oh why, would Dan get an assist from Dr. Bering on that first question, when it couldn't be more clear that it was specifically for Savage Dik?

That seems like a pretty typical reaction when people learn that they didn't have sex with me.

It's just a Username/Avatar-based joke - a Big Lebowski paraphrase.

Were you my costar in the beaver picture?

The last time I had sex was in the back seat of a running car with the heater turned up way too high, so yes, it was rather hot.

After watching this, the next Republican president (hahaha, I know, bear with me here, this is a hypothetical) will be inviting Zach to the WH Correspondent's Dinner ala Colbert.

I've constantly maintained that Sagan's A Demon Haunted World should be required reading for all middle school students. I've never read anything else that lays out as clearly how to see through illogical bullshit.

We just say Whore Island.

That really is the kind of issue that should be dealt with privately between you and your bartender without any interference from the medical-industrial complex.

As long as she's not in Arizona, because then she'll be eating pussy, but not eating in any restaurants owned by good, upstanding religious folk.

Misplaced Childhood is the correct answer for me, too. So, my second choice is Scenes from a Memory by Dream Theater.

Evan Williams, my friend. I suspect that I may have single-handedly driven up the price on the 1.75L bottles at my favorite local liquor store.

A major selling point for me the first time I bought a bottle of Crown Royal Black was the black dice bag.

Oh, I agree, I almost never ask out waitresses for that very reason. I say almost because the only other time I did, it worked out well. There's actually quite a long boring history that I left out in which I've known this woman from her other waitressing job for a while and she specifically told me I should come to…

Dear Dik,

As a former employee (16 years ago, holy shit I'm old!), I do want to point out that while the pizza is pretty awful, the chicken, at least at the one I worked at, was delicious! Of course, it's a franchise, not a chain, so quality varies wildly between locations.