Virgin Contraception?! What the fuck? Does Richard Branson's beard block the sperm?

I do that too! Usually while wearing a spiked Picklehaube helmet.

We'll need a scale and a stopwatch….

Is "House Hindu" an ethnic slur, yet? Well, it *is* now.

Competitive urination! It could be the next big thing! We could get Coors to sponsor it! I'm telling you, this is a Golden Opportunity!

I minored in political science, and yes, it *is* an oxymoron.

Are you smelling burnt toast right now, mate?

Mixed with Coca-Cola! He's not mad. He also only sleeps about 3-4 hours a day. You can cause quite a bit of trouble with that kind of time.

Pathogens are frightened of him.

And Nazi memorabilia. And sheer fucking spite.

"We're the sort of band that if we moved in next door to you, your lawn would die."

Bridge players like to headbang, too.

No, that's going to *have* to be dry-cleaned. Or burned to set the demons free. Whichever is cheaper.

And a stern lecture from Human Resources.

Any room for my balls in this Blitz? Oh, fuck, that's The Sweet, isn't it? Damn, damn, damn…

Look at *you*, internet.

"My God, what are the *others* like?"

If you've never experienced a really savage case of food poisoning.

I wear those because I can't be assed to give a shit about clothes. They're like Garanimals for adults.

Thank fuck I majored in History. "Theory" is not at all "critical" if it doesn't examine its historical context and fundamental assertions. It's a body of ideological assumptions sprayed with a candy coating of gloating self-congratulations and wrapped in a foil of baseless self-righteousness.