In my day, if you wanted a job, you walked into the business, found the guy in charge, walked up to him, shoved your asshole in his face and said, "I'm the man you're looking for." Nine times out of ten, he'd offer you the job on the spot. But kids these days don't have that kind of initiative.

I'd do an absurdist, Kaufman-esque comedy. A tech company decides they need ever more new emojis. They hire a bunch of weirdos and stick them in a basement to come up with new emotions to emoji-fy. It gets weird and faux philosophical as the weirdos delve into what emotion really is, while designing bizarre,…

Ask James Woods.

TJ Miller should be very proud. He's got a real nice house.

Then hurl that time capsule into the sun.

The A.V. Club

I think Vadim did a great job, but I was hoping this would be an IV review. I wanted Ignatiy's literate, film-history-savvy skills brought to bear on this soulless corporate monstrosity.

It's a great one for exams:

Volshtein?

You know it doesn't!

I've had a cold.

I like how Bart would say something, and then say "Dude".

"What's coming to (and leaving from) AV Club memes this August."

I honestly expected the statement to just be the words, "I've made a huge mistake."

Snuff said.

"I call it 'President Billy and the Clonasaurus'."

Bill Clinton did James Carville?

A Ken Starr is Born

If I had to interview him, I'd ask, "So Bill, what's next for you? Is it nothing? Please say it's nothing."

You guessed it … Frank Stallone.