Very well; torches for some, miniature pies for others.

Come Disposal

I always wondered if Glenn Beck was some kind of super committed performance artist.

It takes a lot to drag someone away from love of Toto.

I want to know who's the favourite director of Shia LaBeouf's non-union Mexican equivalent.

Whoever wins, we lose.

"Gentlemen, you can't insert references here! This is the AV Club!"

Mel Gibson's Hitler joke would be more complimentary of the subject.

"I would like to apologise for the comments I made about alcohol. I didn't intend to denigrate a fine product that I am very fond of, and hope to continue working with."

Home is where the Blart is.

I see people on Tumblr who appear to unironically love him, in that "protect this precious angel" kind of way. And I wonder if they don't know that he's a serial plagiarist, or if they just don't care.

That barely counts; the best kind of counts.

In the pop music system, the tweens are catered to by two separate but equally important groups: the boy bands that sing ballads about the unique beauty of anonymous girls, and the shady managers who produce them. These are their stories.

I like to imagine that before he was well known, someone asked him, "So, is it Richard or Dick?"

"I'm the best at what I do."

The scene where Godzilla chows down on a live, screaming Matthew Broderick for fifteen uninterrupted minutes was a big hit with audiences.

I feel bad for the 13 women who are going to testify. On the one hand, they do get to have their voices heard, but I bet that cross-examination is going to be horrific. I hope they all have plenty of support in their lives to help them through it.

We just assumed you knew. There's a sign-up sheet out by your mailbox.

You know what would be really sad? An attempted murderer registry. You'd have to go around to all your new neighbours and tell them you tried to kill someone but you fucked it up. They'd think you were a monster and a loser.

Why should you got to jail for a crime somebody else noticed?