Pay to see a movie where the only thing that happens is Benedict Cumberbatch getting mangled in a car accident? You bet I would!

And I've been cleaning up on free clothes ever since!

"It's totally sick, twisted f***ed up stuff, guys!!!! (Rated Pg-13.)"

Gotcha: more tits.

Sure. Just schedule in a sit-down so we can info dump across our production strata, and we're GTG (Good To Go).

"Gotterschmeckenfloenstumpf". It's German.

No, they're take will be, "Hey, we interfered with the making of this film endlessly, and it's making bank! More interference is the way to go!"

"Critical acclaim in our time."

Honestly, the idea that you wouldn't be able to recognise someone because they're wearing glasses seems like the kind of logic Wiseau would employ.

"He's causing widespread destruction for no discernible reason! What a symbol of hope!"

I don't think Parasite can carry a whole movie, but he could be a secondary villain. He has potentially cool visuals, and is a legitimate threat once he starts stealing Superman's mojo.

"I notice a lot of people these days have fond memories of Krypto the Superdog, so I thought it would be cool to see Superman kick Krypto to death and shit on his corpse."

'Man of Steel 2: He's Steel Got It!'

Too soon!

Obedient George was Curious once, but the Man With the Grey Hat fixed that. Oh yes he did.

Well, that was long and … impassioned.

But it's set in the mid-20th century, the only time anything of cultural relevance ever happened!

Make me!

It would be great if more people had this attitude. I mean, if we're going to remake things endlessly - and it seems we are - it's be nice if the remakes at least didn't spend every frame saying, "Hey, remember this person? From the old one? See what we did there?"

"I-W-I-L-L-D-O-I-T-I-F-T-H-E-S-C-R-I-P-T-I-S-R-E-S-P-E-C-T-F-U-L … man, contract negotiations via ouija boards suck."