I think he's busy with that Captain Hook trial.

I'd ask for human flesh. Hey, you're already executing me, not like one more murder's going to change the sentence. Lightly braised in white wine, please.

Was it all the hobos you buried in the yard?

My favourite was the guy who asked for a single olive and put the pip in his suit pocket.

Ideally, I'd want Indian food as my last meal - daal makhani, onion bahji, naan and rice - but I wouldn't have any confidence that a prison chef would have the skills necessary to make it.

If I were being executed, I would not have to be drunk to tell everyone necessary to go fuck themselves.

Death row prisoner: "This guy. This guy. Right here. I love this guy. This guy's my best friend. i love you pal, you hear? I love you. You're the best."

Yeah, I tend to think if you're formally taking away someone's life, the least you could do is let them go out with a nice buzz on.

The Internet is no longer taking requests.

I'm all for this trend of fast food places embracing their garbagehood. The world of dining out is a complex and beautiful ecosystem. We need our cheesy family restaurants, our feisty independents that do one amazing thing you can't get anywhere else, our fancy restaurants you take a date to when you want to up the…

At least you can hear his mighty "harrumphs!" from a good mile away. It gives the staff time to double bolt everything down and evacuate the elderly.

Lots of unnecessary Doomsday prep, followed by two years of embarrassment and ennui.

"Unless the staff are black."

Cornwall: the New Zealand of Great Britain.

The Welsh?

Less belligerent than the Irish, less motivated than the Scots, less irrelevant than the Cornish.

Bonus points if they know the answer to, "Why, Jeanette? Why'd you have to leave me?"

The A.V. Club

Honestly, I don't know how theses studies keep getting approved by the Mad Ethics Committee.

Does he have a laser pistol? Because if he does, I submit 'Pew Pew P.I.'.