True Story: I once asked a Russian embassy attache to define "liberty" in his own words, and he said, "We do not have such a word."

Said no American Republican, ever.

What part of "Gulag Archipelago" do Russians not understand?

The only thing worse than new Star Trek movies is other new Star Trek movies.

Duh. Vegetables are murder.

"I will not show human emotion."

Character actor Robert Conrad reads Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness?

*David Morrissey investigates why Hugh Laurie didn't get the voice-over gig*

Morrissey in a coma. I know, I know it's hackneyed.

*Chuck Berry, James Brown, Little Richard, Otis Redding, Sly Stone and Ray Charles walk out*

It's like the show is holding Sonia against her will.

Don't you already write all day, every day? What do you gain by crapping out a novel?

Not implying anything except everything, @avclub-620982009915db2a0b4a49e224bad30c:disqus , but isn't Pattaya where Thailand keeps all its whores?

We had joy, we had fun. We had seasons in the sun.

The new Thor movie, watched through legal for me means, is terrible.

Good christ, Kerry Washington is skinny. Like, Birkenbau skinny.

If we're playing it this way, cast Jordan Peele as Teddy Roosevelt, Keenan-Michael Key in a fat suit as William Howard Taft, and racist-ass Mellie Gibsons as Woodrow Wilson.

Good God, man! Only Richard Roundtree can be allowed to portray Taft.

You'll have to roll him in flour and look for the wet spot, first.

But he's a bad mutha …