Chad Lowe considers auditioning for a cameo in his brother's vanity project literally the greatest opportunity of his career.

Malibu gave us Malibu's Most Wanted.

"If a film is about erotic obsession, shouldn't it be, say… erotic?"

Ghost: Have sexy times with a potter's wheel like Patrick Swayze, or kick cans off subway platforms like Vincent Schiavelli. Those are you only options in the afterlife .

Bad porn does.

Yes. Yes. And I've never seen Mullholland Drive. Porn is what porn does.

Yes. But bring a poncho or plastic sheeting, like if you were going to a Gallagher show.

When it comes to French lesbians, why beat around the bush?

This movie is porn. Which is fine. Great, in fact — though the 15-year-old star should skeeve most people out.

"Time, well … spent?"

I would watch a few of the games if the World Series was not carried by Fox. Joe Buck is fingernails on a blackboard to me. I just cannot bear to hear that man talk about anything. The fact that he know less about baseball than I do about ancient Sanskrit is just the shit icing on the turd cake.

This show failed to make the air for Showtime as a sitcom?

He's the test tube baby created for secret lovers Carol Channing and Tatum O'Neal.

NCIS — Nonthreatening Caucasian Idenifiable Strippers

The Crazy Ones (That Women Stuff in My G-String)

2 Broke Male Strippers

Are Indonesian pirates building a replica iceberg?

Does this need a porn parody, or is Little Women pervy enough as is?

Death Race 4 the Audience

I'll stay until the middle of the second intensely graphic sex scene between McCarthy and Statham.