But how could he simply walk into the store if the Earth isn't constantly expanding? WALK UP SHEEPLE! I mean WAKE UP SHEEPLE!

You make a good case, I'll give you that. But my objection is that - at the end - Karswell's sheer utter fucking terror at realising he has been tricked is utterly ruined by seeing the special effect that's gonna get him.

Really? Because I've always thought a superfan would be the kind of person that would have a fit over deviation from the original text in both substance and meaning, especially when that deviation results in dwarf-on-elf slashfiction, Thorin Oakenjones and the River of Molten Gold or cries of 'Wormsign!' at the…

Chief?

A real superfan would have called the Hobbit films out as the pint of regurgitated diarrhea that they are. Fuck him and the Mearas he rode in on.

Isn't the more obvious one David? Given that 1 Samuel 17 8-9 reads:

So they do. It sucks then too.

I think Swift explained it best: "Satire is a sort of glass wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own."

I'm pretty sure they're both secretly Paul Blackthorne.

Well this film sounds like it's a counterpoint to the idea of 'subscribing' to the Bible, as held by both atheists and evangelicals. It's not - or at least shouldn't be - an "almanac of prohibitions".

Stupid babies need the most abortion!

Counterpoint: There is no frickin' way they should have showed the demon at the end of that film even if it was the finest special effect ever.

I'm pretty sure a Sweet Zombie Jesus costume would rock (and/or get rocks thrown at you depending on where you live). As opposed to the Desolation Williams outfit you've ordered off Etsy.

I hear he doesn't read or write too well either.

Revengers! Resemble! As Scooby-Doo would say.

But what about leftover sex - do you have it cold or reheat it?

You're quite right. A colouring book about a scientist who gets sucked into hell and forced to merge his consciousness into the body of the killer robot he created so he can torture the souls of his doomed crew for eternity is more of a Paint-By-Numbers thing.

I find it difficult to imagine James Woods as any kind of addict.

No [EXPLETIVE DELETED], [REDACTED].

"If a diner complains about his meal to the waiter, two more will take his plates."