Cromulent is a perfectly congolphrastic word.

And, as we all know, "to blave" means "to bluff," huh?

Rowsdower Rowsdower
Rowser Rowser Rowsdower
Bowsa Bowsa Lowsdower
Zabbity Zabbity Zowsdower
Bibbity Bobbity Bowsdower
Bobbity Dobbity Dower
Rows…..
Dower

If there are any aliens out there who are thinking about coming to earth and abducting someone, listen: stay out of our asses. There is nothing in our asses that will save you or your dying planet.

You go to work, do your job—which, in this case, seems to entail working as some sort of low-level employee in Robert De Niro’s casino—and yet you can’t afford to pay for your daughter’s medical treatment.

For a couple of weeks back in the 80s Late Night With David Letterman had a series of promos in which the spit take featured prominently. My favorite:

It's not a clock, it's an idiot racist detector.

Everyone involved in Fox News would kill themselves if they had the slightest amount of self-awareness.

Some xylophone players were brought in to restore order.

We were so…
in…
phase

That granola was developed in a lab.

LOL @ "Rum-Soaked Space Hobo".

I've always found Shelley Duvall to be weirdly hot.

My favorite anagram for 'steampunk' is 'meatspunk'.

Arches Deluxe > Whoppers Junior
—William Safire

You know what would be a great movie? Irish Ghostbusters. They go around Ireland chasing after banshees and dullahans.

Yarr, that be Sneaky Pete. Give him a nickel.

Colbert's got a Ted Kaczynsky thing going on in that pic.

…and I'm tellin' ya, these VCR movie rental places? They're everywhere now! You can rent videos at the grocery store, at the gas station… ya know, just yesterday my wife comes home from the gynecologist, and says "honey, I got cystitis and Amadeus!"

Fig sliders with farfalle waffle, $14