"Get out the checkbook, 'cause it's time to pay grandma!"

I bought an unction of a mountebank.

Keep your soups close, and your sandwiches closer.

It's like a donkey eating a waffle.

"We will handle North Korea. We are gonna be able to handle them. It will be handled. We handle everything," Trump said after a reporter asked him about his strategy.

HEY POOR!
HEY POOR!
HEY POOR! YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE POOR ANYMORE!
JESUS IS HERE!

“Obviously, I don’t see that as an appropriate comment,” House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) said Thursday during his weekly press conference, adding, “Look, what we’re trying to do around here is improve the tone, the civility of the debate, and this obviously doesn’t help do that.”

Tomorrow's headlines

A wristwatch is a tiny little machine

Wow, Three Men and a Baby was directed by Leonard Nimoy. Huh. Never knew that.

We walk on two legs not on four.
To walk on four legs breaks the law.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE BREAK THE LAW?

"Memo? No memo. You're the memo!"

A Comey Island of the Mind
a collection of poetry
by D. Trump

SATAN KNOWS YOUR NAME BUT CALLS YOU BY YOUR SIN
JESUS KNOWS YOUR SIN BUT CALLS YOU BY YOUR NAME

YOU HAVE A NEW FRIEND REQUEST: JESUS
CONFIRM | IGNORE

1 cross
+
3 nails
=
4given

"The power of Feist compels you!"

One day I was walking and I found this big log
Then I rolled the log over
And underneath was a tiny little stick
And I was like, "That log had a child!"

"We approve of the semi-literate rapist president with zero accomplishments and shady ties to Russia."
—85% of Republicans

President Trump: [unintelligible]