This sounds a lot like Norm McDonald's material from the Bob Saget roast.

Trump also has a better haircut. Zing!

Say it isn't so.

Or, you know, you can simply do what my family and millions of other immigrants have done and just jump on a plane.

WTF was that? When did Howard Stern have an American Bandstand/ Soul Train type show? And why was there a little person in a hula skirt?

It always makes me laugh that these same people that claim to always be suspicious of any career politician (and government in general) don't care that the Republican party has spent millions of taxpayer dollars and wasted a huge amount of time to keep an opposing candidate knee deep in negative headlines. They are…

Things Darius has at least a passing knowledge of:

. . . and not to play Call of Duty or Madden, but Zoo Tycoon. To further add to the subtext of Darius and animals.

I like how Darius is portrayed as being a bit of a space case but in the end he always ends up being correct.

Early voting starts Monday in my district so I plan on getting a few zingers in this weekend and then not thinking about any of it for another 4 years. Like the rest of America I can't be bothered to vote in mid-terms.

I would also like to see a chase that ends with Trump crashing into a truck full of manure.

I have a health nut friend that actually think that there is something radioactive about microwaves. He refuses to eat any food that has comes out of a microwave, including boiling a cup of water for tea. He actually thinks he's irradiating his food in the microwave.

In this election cycle Latinos (and Mexicans in particular) have been used as a political props and as a scapegoat for all of our problems with stagnant wages. I will be voting for many reasons. Among them, to send the message that shit like that is not going to fly. Does that give you a better idea of what I'm…

Well, he agrees with his "halting the machinations of government" stance but he disagrees with his "let the sun consume us all" stance.

Not really, he actually claimed that it was the main reason he hired April.

By that logic Jay Leno would only have one car.

I would totally believe that Trump puts racing stripes on everything because he thinks that it makes it go faster.

Marge: "Mr. Scorpio, this house is almost too good for us. I keep expecting to get the bum's rush".
Scorpio: "We don't have bums in this town Marge, and if we did they'd be allowed to go at their own pace".

We could go all day.
It's a rich tapestry of horseshit.

You forgot: Saying that 'stop and frisk' was a successful program that should be adopted by other cities.
-Demonizing Muslims and suggesting that we can ban a religion from immigrating into the country
-Suggesting that Operation Wetback was "humane".