Not everything is about YOU, Pervy Obit!

That's because you're always asleep when I whisper in your ear.

So does this make Anti-Dikachu a good commenter? I'm confused.

Hare Krishna. This is not a joke.

Him?

No, I have always been and will always be your "friend." Even when you can't see me. Especially when you can't see me.

Go on . . .

Senator Tillis would like a word with you: http://abcnews.go.com/Polit…

He caught something nasty from your mother.

Usually the warnings about new drugs have to do with how users behave. Tobacco makes people focused and smelly and that's about it short-term. My heart races more when I drink a cup of coffee than it ever did over a cigarette (I've smoked, but never got addicted because I hated the slimy-lungs feel). I wouldn't be…

Eym hukd awn fonnixs.

Counterpoint: At least smoke doesn't have a wind chill factor of -20. I'm starting to see the appeal of this deadly, sexy habit.

Lung cancer is a totally metal way to die.

Sean O'Neal doesn't speak truth to power. All he does is hate on small business owners who operate multiple restaurant chains and family businesses that sell cancer sticks.

Or "Lucky Stroke."

Just as Jai Alai is the sport for real American men, none of that weak-ass Frolf shit.

This is quite the queso fresco-llaborative pun generation.

I thought Fox News was more about Objectivism than objectivity.

This was my first thought, so I'm glad you got secondsies. In my experience, cable news shows consist of 1. A bunch of people who disagree; let's let them duke it out until HuffPo declares that one eviscerated the other, 2. Anchors telling viewers what their opinions are (indigenous to Fox News, but hardly foreign…

Does the vet operate out of the Enormous Animal Farm?