"The traditional penguins are black and white, but the new penguin is rendered in shades of gray, indicating the moral relativity with which those Islamic secularists are trying to corrupt your children."

Nah, I like that they have nature there as a form of chaotic, arbitrary justice. It's a good symbol for . . . life and stuff.

"baguette" . . . "budget" . . . "budgie" . . . "bird" . . . "warm-blooded" . . . "blood" . . . "red . . . "COMMUNISM"!

"Let the free market decide!"

Actually, "David Bowie" is Ziggy Stardust's drag name.

Railed, like, sexually or verbally? Or both?

"Let's sterilize all the poor people, strip away their right to vote, tell them what to eat, and force them into involuntary servitude! What could go wrong?"

If they didn't, there would be no consensual skullfucking. And consensual skullfucking is the BEST skullfucking.

WEREWOLF BEDROOM EYES.

Fair and Balanced: We deregulate everything except vaginas.

Trick question. Bill O'Reilly would cut their mics and declare himself the winner.

I've deregulated once or twice, living in a libertarian paradise.

Do you post this every time they discuss the New World Order? Also, shouldn't you change your profile pic to Wolfpack-era Sting if this is the case?

I only watched Beck once. He had all these different desserts in front of him in an extended metaphor for socialism. He'd move the pie into the donuts to show how bad it is to redistribute wealth and all I could think was "OMG, pie AND donuts! YEEEEESSSSSS. WANT."

Are they fucking each other or are they fucking over society with universal healthcare?

I'm not entirely convinced the Fox gyno could tell the difference between a living vagina and a dead one.

I'd be VERY confused if you managed to double tap your own head. You must have a very bad aim if that's the case.

I found the novel version of Peter Pan to be incredibly creepy. He's a sociopath with teeth "like pearls," meaning they haven't fallen out yet. That makes him . . . 4 or so? He's basically the archetypal creepy kid. I mean, he goes around kidnapping children and forcing them into a state of Stockholm Syndrome. He…

Oh, honey, you don't know the half of it:

I was just about to ask how it would work for same-sex marriage, then I realized any state with a law like that is unlikely to legalize same-sex marriage.