"And where our folklore professors arrange for mass-suicide!"

Nah, it's The Vampire Diaries. All slaves are the progenitors of '90s supermodels.

Nah, let's make it even more insane:

Nature on TVD is about as logical and functional as the current House of Representatives.

Apparently in some states, it's illegal for men to take their wives' names. Yay, progress!

I noted last season that any time they say, "We can't let ___ (do) ___," it usually happens within 5 or 10 episodes.

That's so true. Everything disappointed me since Breaking Bad ended. It set the bar too damn high.

But not Olivier in Othello, right?

And Tilda Swinton is David Bowie in drag. WE ARE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS!

What a fun logic puzzle:

Clearly, he's never sold you girl scout cookies: http://www.theonion.com/art…

Whoever designed them was history's greatest monster.

Apart from McVries story about his girl choosing between him and her job.

I actually don't mind the miniseries— I mean, it was made for TV and a low-budget vehicle. I think they got some parts right, like Georgie's death and Audra's reawakening. Still, every time they threaten to remake it, I cringe and smile simultaneously. Modern CGI could make It downright terrifying . . . or hilarious.

Well, M.Night Shyamalan did write the script.

She's described as having bushy hair and buckteeth, but then she fixes her teeth and calms down her hair and suddenly she's so hot that even Harry thinks she's pretty before he realizes she's his bezzie.

See, scenes like that make me wonder why the original is a "horror" classic. Some parts are scary, but it's overall very campy. Which isn't a BAD thing, necessarily, but I don't think it lives up to its reputation.

Oh, this is fantastic. You win.

Okay, I'd LOVE to see a children's book version of It. Every time we discuss King, the Bevvie gangbang scene inevitably comes up. Between that and all the murder, I can only assume your illustrations were absolutely hilarious.

Do it!