God, because he hates me for being snarky and hip.

Male
…that comment is pretty closeminded. 2% of the population is intersexed, aka they have ambiguous genitalia, so vis a vi 2% of onion readers have just been put out by that. You just offended Tuba Girl.

cunce kicks ass. You don't like it? Sour pumpkins, JK, you don't have to use it.

Psh. Shows how much you know. It didn't get cancelled, Bea Arthur left the show and it became "The Golden Palace." Which got cancelled.

wait a minute, isn't this the real zmf? Didn't he have problems registering his name so he had to come up with this one? This is the one I've grown to love since I started posting, which was in the August/Sept. area.

You can write AND direct for the Hills - it's reality, so it doesn't count.

It reminded me of season 2 when Guadalupe Vidal went from person to person and critiqued, but it was way more hilarious when she did it because she was the tackiest person to ever exist, ever, and her outfit was always the worst looking even when she wasn't in the bottom 3. In the episode where she was eliminated,…

Yeah, but they clearly set up for Jillian's win, too, and then they picked Rami…and I thought his dress was cute but I still think Jillian should've won for the time and effort in the twizzler corset.

I wanna know if he sang his ballad.

"Let us celebrate our accord with the adding of chocolate to milk" is how I'm going to end all agreeable conversations from now on.

I'm not sure if that last comment was ironic and/or sarcastic but if we want to list things, I could really do with the retiring of "throw up in my mouth a little." I think it's been used 97 gazillion times too many. Not saying anything against you, Smack, I just don't like that phrase. It had it's day, now it's…

Sean O'Neal
is at least three better than everyone, and still won't marry me.

I can't believe that nobody in this particular thread mentioned the idea of using all of these phrases. Wow. Just…wow. I loves me some overusage, and I think AJR's comment was indeed, well played, sir. But I can't believe no one used them all. You commenters? Eh, not so much. It's pretty much a meh situation.

Spacegrouch, I love you too. Except sometimes you do things that make me angry. So angry that I have to punish you with snark, douchebaggery, and violence. Why do you make me do these things? If you would just be good I wouldn't have to do stuff ironically at all. Try behaving yourself, and we could be happy…

Zany comedies
I was dragged to see I Am Legend last night as per a xmas tradition of my dad picking terrible movies for the family to go see and then refusing to see anything else despite my desperate pleas, and the trailers before it included two zany movies, one starring Will Ferrell as a basketball player for no…

Yeah, no kidding. Wario Ware smooth moves anyone? Seriously.

MURDER!

It would only be '95 internet if the initials were followed by some version of the following:

No way…there is no Snickers better than the Snickers ice cream bar. Yum.

Wizard of ooze? Is that like a magical porno full of oompa loompas?