Yeah where have you been?

Nothing matters but tATu. They're nihilists, beautiful nihilists.

The version of Grapevine I sing in the shower is the tits.

for being infinitely cooler than me.

"Felching you" doesn't fit in the rhyme scheme. What would work better:

teh l33t pwnage right there LOLZ!!111!

I'm responding to myself just to quash all hope of first on firsties. So there.

Product Placement
They're the worst, with Project Runway coming in second on Bravo (yet both are outdone by America's Next Top Model). It got to the point where it was just (Planters!) nuts. The Bombay Sapphire cocktail challenge? Stupid. Cotton as the official fabric of Project Runway (thanks, season one). …

wanna fight?

Just call me Lady Asriel! (beams with hipster/nerd pride)

Hey, maybe your friend can hire me instead!

You pegged Chris?

People with y's where normal vowels ought to be end up either bitches, strippers, or bitchy strippers. A friend of mine just named her baby daughter Jordyn. I'm not optimistic.

Sean ONeal
is sexier than Noel Murray, Nathan Rabin, and Scott Tobias combined.

Justin Timberlake
How many references can you make, Amelie. Overkill a bit, I think, on the "Hey guys Blake Lewis obviously thinks JT is super cool let's all laugh!" schtick.

I would like some of Amelie's fucking. Hey, if she's giving it to Blake Lewis, I deserve some too.

Ready, set,
JUMP SHARK!

Really. And when I found out that you weren't real.

Fuck you, Noel
for this: "Observation: Kid Rock can bring it."

I think it looks like the cocoon that Onion writers come out of. The start as a naive caterpillar looking to write to change the world, and come out a snarky jaded hipster with beautiful wings that camouflage them from happiness.