He’s distracted by all those thoughts of boning — sorry, “dating” — his daughter.

Brrrrrrowlllll.

You just want to eat him. C’mon shark, I know you.

If I was married to that shrub, I would be too.

Haha no, I was just being a smartass.

Its tongue is covered with flesh-eating, bone-dissolving bacteria.

Could have been worse:

No, they just stab, strangle, or beat them to death. Or throw acid on them. Or...etc.

Take away “with guns” and it would be just as true.

Hey Mitch,

Or one of them starts whining about sand.

I was born in Ohio and lived there for 4 years in middle school (5-8th grade). It was the most horrible time of my life and traumatized me to the point that I have to take meds for anxiety. So yeah, not a fan.

It really is. I liked it way better when it was in the hands of Native Americans.

The nemesis of the Sisterhood: the Brotherhood of the Frozen Pants.

I hate the Midwest. And I was born there.

Not to mention it probably drove the kid nuts.

Well, he just wasn't ready to throw in the trowel.

I’d use mine to bring back (non-avian) dinosaurs. No way anything could go wrong there.

Man, designing that shirt must have been ruff.