"Ancient Egyptian Free Range Bastet Massage".

Possible celebrations where this cake would be appropriate:

Yeah, supporting charities - what a dick move!

Some background: he was client, and had started crossing boundaries. I was on my way to a session w him when I got in the accident. Texted him - "can't make it, car accident, will reschedule".

Why.... why do toddler dolls have boobs?

After a car accident, mine talked his way into the exam room in emerg by telling the nurse he was my insurance agent.

I had a stalker situation once where this would have actually seemed like a good idea, except dude was batshit enough he'd have insisted on crashing my "funeral".

I would totally give sexy times to a dude packing a huge deck. Mmmm, cedar.

Rich white man whose wife "begs him" for sex.

Yup, me too. Not helping put one red cent in the misogynistic, abusive asshole's pocket.

Oh fuck off with you. Your bullshit is what gives the rest of us sex pos feminists a bad fucking rap (no pun intended).

This is so stupid. The smart way to make this would have been two feet together, with a vagina type orifice between them.

She probably refused to follow their Dance Moms accounts on Instagram.

cauterised it on the grill

Best reference ever.

Fan-fucking-tabulous.

My lasered removal site got infected, wouldn't heal, and there's now a permanently quarter sized divot in my leg - plus the remains of the tattoo, since obviously I won't be trying THAT again.

Placenta smoothie snobs are the only snobs worse than coffee snobs (but still not as douchey as wine snobs).

Someone has been watching too many foreign films, because *coughbullshitcough*

The whole "tell them how much I fuck you! Look what a stud I am!!!" schtick is very sad, in a micropenis kind of way (no judgment).