augustusmelmotte
AugustusMelmotte
augustusmelmotte

She came to our school to debate the female attorney behind Roe Vs. Wade. Afterward she kept going on about when she was a little girl, her family never locked their door in St. Louis. “But you had William S. Burroughs as a neighbor. You should have locked the door,” I replied. She had no idea who Burrroughs was.

At least we won't have to worry about these dicks:

That’s terrifying. My kids will sometimes wander into the bathroom holding a slice of pizza or a hot dog or other kid type foods and my response is always the same.

This guy could build his own tiny house from his own poop.

Dane Roy’s Lifehack of the Week:

You must live in fake america, out here in real america 7 of the 10 guys will say the bible and the other 3 will punch you in the face.

FACT: If your “favorite” book is Catcher in the Rye or The Great Gatsby, what you’re really saying is that you haven’t read a book since you were 14.

“Harder”

I’m sure the other side line, the end lines, the goal lines, and the yard lines are all straight and white but if one line is different it’s an attack on straight lines everywhere. Next you’ll be saying, “Why isn’t there a straight white line history month?”

In a few years that kid will be watching the evening news and get to tell all his friends that he once ate lunch with the guy that just got arrested.

Dayquil gels and flares.

This video was good, but the other prank video they made where they push a friend into traffic on a highway was much better.

The truth behind the sinking of Kursk finally revealed.