Sorry to have to tell you this, but. it is a statistical certainty that your children have been fantasized about sexually by an adult. Sad, but true.

There are no books at LSU.

Nice. He could be a character in Pynchon's next novel.

Before the game, who ties his shoes?

Truth: if you eat where you poop you forfeit your humanity.

He's examining the firmness of her flesh to determine if she's ready to be harvested.

You're missing the three hours it takes him to poop half a meter of structural grade bamboo.

It’s like a mitten, but between her legs, right?

There are so many cliches in this post your Broca's area should be surgically removed as punishment.

I think he wears those glasses that change their tint depending on the lighting. I want his skull as a molcajete.

I diagnose her with Lochte-in Syndrome.