"Even when Iran's unveiled its Hasboro-like mock-up of its indigenous F-313 'stealth fighter,'..."

I've always held some measure of resentment against my buddy Ryan who took his life when we were 12 (yeah, it fucked us all up as much as you would think). It seemed selfish and hurtful, like he didn't care about any of us, like none of us mattered to him. Ditto to a friend who I briefly dated and was able to resume…

I, for one, sincerely appreciate you taking the time to express what must be a horrifically painful time for you and your family. Your son sounds like he is in the midst of some unbelievably strong suicidal ideation, and as a parent myself, I cannot imagine the horror of seeing your child go through that. I hope…

Can't think of anything to say. I guess just know that you're not alone even if it feels that way sometimes. <3 <3 <3

I am so so so sorry, man. Best of luck. Being a parent is too too scary sometimes.

I hate to +1 this, and I am only doing so not because I support the hell you're living in right now, but that someone in those dark places may see your final paragraph and get the help they need.

He's got a point.

Real Whatever or Something United would be great names for hipster soccer teams. Are they gonna be based in Brooklyn?

They could be the Real Housewives of New York! Think of the cross-marketing!

I've purchased working microwaves that provided me with years of sustenance for the same amount of money that it costs to park an automobile in Washington, D.C., for one night.

We really need NYCFC to hold an open tryout so Billy can show these hand-me-down players what real soccer is.

A badass car for a badass guy. Nice write-up!

Tavarish: Is your lifestyle as a Cobra owner anything like the one portrayed in the video?

Horton Fears He's Through

Did you let him know that he could have 2 2014 Toyota Corolla's and a 2012 Kia Optima for the price he paid for the Shelby Cobra?

I need one now.

Not sure when "this" will be done with Jezebel but we will never be done with "this."

They did different things. Also, Richard Pryor was funnier than pretty much everybody, ever.

Goddamnit McNulty