I, for one, am waiting for America to get the New International Version.

"Hello, Mr. Garfunkel."

"Hello, Abarth, my old friend," I told the shiny red little egg as I greeted it in my driveway. "I've come to hoon with you again."

"Feed me your fears and your bones."

You dumb shit.

He seems tired of the grind.

If I had a nickel for everytime somebody told me "It's not wide enough..."

THAT'S A DAMN FINE LOOKING RACECAR.

GIVE US ONE OF THEM AND I'LL JIZZ

And KD home to DC.

Yeah, the whole thing is just so screwed up.

A little bit, and it's not your fault.

The end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

She gets probably a dozen of those every day, from red-state Americans.

Don't you literally have to be Lewis Hamilton to get this?

I think you're dying on this hill, Tim.

ALRIGHT, THERE IT IS, PACK UP JEZEBEL FOR THE DAY, EVERYBODY GO HOME.

I was blissfully unaware of many of the Grammys' previous transgressions, but when they gave Best Rap Album last year to Macklemore instead of Kendrick Lamar, they jumped the shark.

Apropos of nothing, Jean Grae is one of the best female rappers out right now.