No, because none of what you said is true.

I’ll try it next time I go to Trader Joe’s. I love that place—so much nice booze, for cheap.

Ditto. I’m told sweet wines are unsophisticated, but I’m too old now to care. St. Michelle’s Reisling is my favorite—not only because it’s $7 at Trader Joe’s.

This. Come on, it’s not like she needs the money. She just said “I don’t give a fuck about those people, I want that money.” If she actually needed the money, I could give it a pass.

This is terrible, but it reminded me that someone (Truman Capote?) said that she looked like a hammerhead shark, her eyes were almost on the sides of her head.

Fair enough.

It’s only 10:20 A.M. where I am, but as soon as I finish this, I’m going to take my break, go down to the cafeteria, where they (thank God) have wine. I wish they had something stronger.

“I’ve long been bothered by how many women choose to take their husband’s last names as well.”

Yes. Your kidney and liver cleanse toxins from your blood. If those aren’t doing what they should, you need to go to a doctor; no amount of cayenne pepper or lemon juice is going to help.

Me either. I want my elected representative to be what I am not. I want them to be smarter, better educated, better dressed, better looking—the whole nine yards. Forget this “He seems like a guy I’d have a beer with” nonsense. I don’t want to have a beer with the President—I want him to be a skilled negotiator, not my…

True. Although it dates from the late 19th century, in some ways this paper seems preferable to what you find on dating sites today.. These people are up front about what they bring to the table and what their limitations are. I find that preferable to what I found on OKCupid and Match.

That’s my New Years’ resolution.

I’m so glad you’ve gotten away from him. Take care of yourself, you deserve all the best.

What were these $200 socks made from, the fur of an endangered breed of alpine goat?

I’ve flagged that comment (“shitskin” is surely hate speech) and hopefully it will be gone soon.

Is that baby very small (even for a newborn) or is it just that her breasts are so big?

My job is getting me down lately, but I feel slightly encouraged by this: I can say that, in nearly 7 years there, I have yet to come in to the bathroom to find someone has shit on the floor. That is terrible—where do you work, can you say? Because I’m going to be looking for another job, I’d like to know where to…

I have always wrapped mine in some toilet paper. You eventually get a feel for how much to use so it doesn’t bleed through. If there is other trash in the can I try to put them underneath it.

Except that most followers of any religion don’t go out and shoot a bunch of people. So just saying “religion” might be cute to you, but it’s not an answer. It is very interesting that this was a married couple and he recently returned from Saudi Arabia and she was from there. The Saudi government has given free rein…

This is good to know. When I heard he had been charged with first degree murder, I groaned because I knew he’d never be convicted, since a conviction requires premediation. Good to know that in Illinois it actually doesn’t.