Arrest the man formally known as James Allen? Surely not.

What the actual fuck?

Spam Inchoate would be a pretty rad band name.

I haven't seen that heinous front page in years; instead I go to avclub.com/recent (apologies if you knew about this already).

I love topographical humor. Nothing cracks me up like a torus.

Candlebox?

Sure, but I don't really factor that in unless the music is diegetic (which, to be fair, has been the case in at least one instance).

They both look like Peanuts characters.

I suppose in my mind they had the excuse of actually being of the era, instead of being a calculated attempt to evoke it. Not that there's anything wrong with this attempt, and it's obviously succeeding for a lot of people—I just found it too musically self-aware.

I'm distracted by how often the soundtrack reaches for obvious, overplayed radio standards—as if someone in production is ticking off a focus-grouped early-80s nostalgia checklist (and ignoring a lot of the era's lesser-known gems).

Music is able to fluidly cross time barriers.

A CHILD CAN RESTART THE WORLD ENGINE

Spike Lee angrily masturbates to J. K. Rowling

But jokes are funnier when you explain them!

Maybe it's a callback to Sweet Valley High. Jaime is the fun one, after all.

When I really want to party, I break out the laptop, too.

Even when I'm with someone who knows about my direction disability, and they try to use it to their advantage by going against my instinct, it will still be the wrong direction.

It was nothing exotic. She basically waved her hands around me while I laid prone on a massage table. My eyes were closed, but I detected/heard sweeping back-and-forth motions that centered on each area of my body for a moment before moving to the next.

Can't be any weirder than the therapist who asked if I would mind interrupting our session so she could run to the shoe store (there was a clearance!), leaving me in her car outside the store for about 40 minutes. She once talked me into letting her do "energy work" on me, which was interesting but mostly awkward.

Sorry, I really have to take this. It's about my tapeworm.