Opulence....this guy has it.

It's in radians. you'll learn in grade 12

Dallas: less skyscrapers, more assholes:

"Hey, Steve! I need a working hose, a bottle of turtle wax, and a bucket about this big. "
"What? No, no rags, I'll use my shirt."

I could get five, maybe six dead hookers in here.

"I met a sweet young lady here in Detroit. Her name is Sinnamon and she's workin' her way through community college…..You think you can find her a job at your place?"

Well, my wife was exaggerating when she said she's seen me up close, but this yeah, this big.

In my car when you press this button gin squirts outta little tube and into a cup I keep in the console. They won't let me drive anymore."

Look, Joe, poor people.

I'm flattered, but please, button your pants back up.

Listen you fucker. I need my Fine China right now or I swear I will "liberate" the fuck out of everything you love.

'if my trans am was a person, his junk would be this long!'

Jack Nicholson as the Joker as The Vice President.

Kinja works in theory but not in practice, and that didn't stop anyone.

They'd have to remove their heads first though.

Meme-inspired currency isn't safe? Well, crap—my 401K is heavily invested in Nyan Cat Rupees.

I want to be a lumberjack just for this

Wow.

Alternative title: How to Open Your Finger with a Can.