If I may ask a fantasy baseball question without being beaten...does anyone know what the hell the deal is with Matt LaPorta? Is he going to get more playing time once Cleveland waves the white flag? And how long may that take? I'm tempted to drop LaPorta for Matt Wieters for my obligatory "young guy who may blow up…

What's up DUAN? Anything new or exciting?

@Father of 2 Future First Rounders: I'm glad I wasn't the only one thoroughly confused by that comment.

@Stev D: One's fat and dumb and the other's articulate and effeminate! What a riot!

"Clemens/Roberts: Who would you most like to stop living?" doesn't roll off the tongue quite as easily as "Who's Now?", but ESPN acknowledges that it is much more fun for viewers.

@Hatey McLife: /cringes

Kenyon was so pissed that he charged after Cuban, only to collapse after rupturing his Achilles.

I would be angry too if I had a low-paying, low-respect job spent covering something that seems fraudulent, but that doesn't mean the fucking world is coming to an end.

It was pretty embarrassing for the Lakers. I'm sorry-Phil Jackson doesn't get fucking embarrassed.

@Gourmet Spud: I'm adding it to the usual weekday rotation.

@MarkKelsosMigraine: Really? Wow - I had no idea. I would imagine that if WAS is behind it, it's hilarious, but the name is...odd.

"Sportress of Blogitude"?

@BruschisBrewsky: Only one variation of the word "douche" so far, and it's used by an actual Boston fan. I'm disappointed.

"The Rick" has not aged well.

Is it his trigger finger? Just PLEASE put the gun in your mouth first, Brett.

@Hatey McLife: +2 people fucking on top of a Cadillac in the middle of I-85

Seriously, though: Constipation-Journal? The words aren't even in the right order, fuckhead.

@UkraineNotWeak: Hey, you mentioned him during DUAN last night and there he is.

@Samer Ocho Cinco: You think Kige can spell "anonymous"?

More like Lewser, amirite?