New York, huh? They serve squirrel there?

I live in Oklahoma. Please kill me.

@Ugueth Urbina's Machete: Her father creepily licks his lips and nods in agreement.

This game is just so unbelievably accurate - I can't wait to see this year's "JaMarcus Russell takes a nine-step drop and throws the ball seven yards beyond Darrius Heyward-Bey as two onrushing defenders simultaneously break his ribs" play.

@Andy Hutchins: You know, I actually wondered that when I saw her last name.

@Father of 2 Future First Rounders: Agreed. That enters the short list of "funniest Deadspin comments I've ever read".

@Karlifornia: So wrong but fucking brilliant.

@Torgo's Executive Powder: You knew that would get a +1 from me.

As far as Royals pitchers wearing the #23 go, I much prefer Mark Gubicza.

@wonderlic—-myballs: I don't know about you, but I absolutely love Zack Greke.

@BruschisBrewsky: What?! You dick!

@The Devil and Daniel Murphy:

@Ibracadabra: Sorry about that. I thought everyone had heard that by now.

A-Rod's Book Is No "Marley And Me"

The authorities should've been tipped off 24 years ago upon learning that a woman named her son Joba.

@David Hume: +1. Wow.

Gladwell is currently working on a book about a guard who has difficulty remaining upright while attempting to break the press, titled The Tripping Point.

Most women in Tennessee with her name spell it "Brandi" for optimal trashiness.

Letting Matsuzaka go to Boston was nothing more than a salary dump.

@Gourmet Spud: