Walgreens? More like Mal-greens, amirite?

You're laughing, but zero dollars in Detroit is roughly equivalent to half a million dollars in most U.S. cities.

Sadly, the Tigers gave up too much in the trade.

It should be easy to replace - there are plenty of strip clubs throughout this country featuring women named Brandi taking off their clothes.

and Richard Petty's sunglasses

All this time I'd thought I just loved chicken because it was delicious. Turns out I'm genetically predisposed to that shit.

@LarryJohnsonsgirlfriend: That picture was taken at the racetrack at Talladega, so I'm not so sure that any of the "ladies" you'll find there think about much of anything, really.

He's just looking forward to picking up women in Detroit by saying, "Hey, I've got a job for ya."

@ArkansasFred: Yikes.

@ScientificMapp: Ha! I like yours much better.

Lt. Bill Leeper of the Florida Highway Patrol said Smith was pulled over for excessive window tint on his 2009 Mercedes coupe

@HoustonNuttsPhoneBill: What was the story/quote?

At the last Lakers game, the women in the crowd refused to remain in their seats until they were assured that Kobe Bryant would be contained.

when your team is silly enough to unleash lethal birds of prey into a crowd of unsuspecting Southerns then I get to say whatever I want about it

The hawk was called for a foul after flying within twenty feet of Dwyane Wade.

Mississippi lineman Jerrell Powe

@ClintonPortishead: Oh, come on! He's just having fun out there!

He should've tried to negotiate admission contingent upon an agreement to bang Andy Kennedy's wife.

@Hatey McLife: Good lord. + a million

"I remember when it used to be called Wally Pipp Disease! Oh wait...that's not right."