Okay, it already reeked of Tim & Eric, then you add “SPIRITUAL MILK” and that vacuous stare, and now you can’t tell me they weren’t involved. Through the ether, if not directly.

Yeah, that confused me to. What’s the point of saying you’re not going to respond to someone’s post and then posting it? Am I getting grey shamed for using a common phrase?

Great article but please don’t spout the ignorant lie that the Tories ‘are selling the NHS’. It would be political suicide and is intellectually equivalent to dumb Republicans chanting ‘ Lock her up’.

It’s not fictional, but in Roald Dahl’s autobiography Boy he describes a candy store he frequented as a child. His descriptions of all of the crazy old time candies for sale was fascinating. 

It looks amazing. My issue with any of the hypothetical recipes online is that none of them make it SO BIG.

I have no idea how I forgot this but YES. I want Bruce’s GIANT CAKE. As a kid I was always like “why doesn’t he want the cake?” Because I had no limit on how much sweet I could eat.

I don’t follow sports, so I have no intention of punching this dude.

Dollar Diplomacy is the hottest diplomacy!

I was thinking of Wonka’s Fizzy Lifting Drinks, but in a slightly more sensible environment.

“Time to leave, Dr. Doak”

The effects of a pan galactic gargle blaster are similar “having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.”

I long for my teenage years, when I could Grover Cleveland twice per night (non-consecutively!)

Better than donning the William Henry Harrison suit where you finish in the first 30 seconds.

Savage Nobody, while walking along in desert sand, you suddenly look down and see a tortoise crawling toward you. You reach down and flip it over onto its back. The tortoise lies there, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs, trying to turn itself over, but it cannot do so without your help. You are not…

Two Flakes, look at mister fancy pants here. ;) 

 You have to try a 99 at least once.

I don’t think your wife is uber-vanilla if she’s willing to peg you. 

I think I may have relayed this story to you at the Jalopnik meet-up in Austin, but I once owned a pink car. The problem was, on account of being colorblind, I didn’t know it for three months.

Gee, not 1 but 12 vacuous ego-maniacal morons whose talents are either a big set of tits or the ability to say ‘fuck’ a lot (sometimes both!) trying to out douche one another? At the same time?

So of all the things to potentially bug me (why does he travel through space as well as time, how can he understand modern English, how can he read...anything) for some reason the one that bothered me most is how he could bake with modern yeast. Medieval bread would have been baked using starters and wild yeast, and…