I honestly laughed my ass off when the operator asked how far he fell and he answered, “2,000 feet.” She did NOT see that coming!

But the guy that sold him a permit to carry a gun in public told him that people in public are most likely to be attacked! Now why would they lie to him about that?!

lmfao

Never have to worry about pumps getting blocked by brodozers, unless you’re trying to buy gas during rush hour like a chump.

Dude...chill out. It’s OK to get gas at night. In fact, that’s the only time I ever buy gas. Nobody’s ever approached me, because that would be incredibly stupid.

Ehh...love you Tom, but...wouldn’t that just make it easier?

I like their Supreme offerings; no black olives or mushrooms, which I absolutely despise.

The Brick Oven ones are bomb-as-fuck. Occasionally Food Lion has them on sale for 3 / $10, which means a freezer full of them. The personal pan pizzas are also legit, although DiGiorno scratches an occasional itch.

Serious question: are these people just...walking around with a dirty blender in their pocket whenever they finish their drinks? I used to drink my own pre-workout / cold brew blend, but I’d just make big batches and pour into disposable cups. Carrying around a freaking blender just seems totally irrational to me.

Heh. I’ve gotta listen to the same songs over-and-over at work all day. A little juvenile humor goes a long way! It’s still second to:

After quitting soda, I switched to Propel. At least it has flavorings and vitamins and shit. Why would anybody buy this?

I occasionally make pinwheels at work using flatbreads; the sliced deli meats seem to work the best, although I’ve been known to use bacon or steak in their stead.

...but the lyrics are so evocative!

It was a little disconcerting to see the phrase, “actual chocolate chips,” in the press release. Either there’s fake chocolate chips floating around out there somewhere, or they’re trying to distinguish the actual chocolate chips from rat turds.

Most of my vegan customers are either Hindi or Muslims. I have a few middle-class white customers who only eat vegan, but the vast majority are comprised of POC who don’t eat meat because of religious or ethical reasons.

I remember the first day they’d paved a roundabout near my apartment. They hadn’t installed signage yet, and I just happened to get behind this elderly couple that were heading down the off-ramp to a busy interstate.

The only luck I’ve ever had with breakfast sausage has been at greasy-spoon diners. Fast food sausage is garbage all the way around, but at a cheap diner? Yeah, they’re making that ish fresh. Much better quality.

He’s consistent in his politics, he just doesn’t kowtow to either side. It’s OK to have liberal views on one stance and conservative views on another.

Self-checkout’s the problem. The assholes in C-suite and shareholders just need to stop whining about profits and give enough of a shit about customers to just, oh, I dunno...hire some fucking cashiers?

Dude’s a grown-ass man who’s obsessed with T-Swift; we all know it’s not underage girls we need to be worried about.