I only felt overwhelmed by so much information that you needed to read through.

Having lost my father and sister, and dealt with so many people saying the wrong things, and not understanding that it didn’t happen for a reason, I won’t get over it, and it doesn’t get better...I love reading what she wrote. You never stop missing your loved ones, and it won’t ever stop sucking, you just learn to…

he flight attendant told her that she could not give her one but then handed an unopened can of beer to a man seated nearby. Ahmad questioned the flight attendant.

And croissant. And BLUE CHEESE croissant? And opinion soup, and wine, and baked cheese on croutons, and moules meunières, and magret de canard, and foie gras, bouillabaisse, fondue, tartiflette (favorite of mine), boeuf bourginion, etc etc etc...

I would SO buy his book of selfies. I love looking at that man.

Picture yourself on a boat on a river with tangerine trees and marmalade skies...

I went to St. Andrews for university, so we had quite a few golf-loving celebs come through, especially during the Dunhill Cup. At one point I went out with a couple of my friends from hall to go watch some of it, and it was just as boring as you’d expect from, y’know, golf. So we’re talking about how boring it is and…

Is “all day erry day” an acceptable answer seeing as how I haven’t had P in V sex in like a year??

i do not want kids, but damned if this doesn’t make my womb quiver just a bit.

Can I add to the list of things sent that need to be autocorrected to “I’m drunk. Disregard this.”?

The best Mexican beer is Bohemia.

I read an article earlier today that French women think all this contouring stuff is bullshit.

My ex thought it was a good idea to move to another state and hide from child support. Since he had such a consistent history of cheating I thought it would be easy to track him down on Craigslist’s Missed Connections. Someone had to know him because he had penis and it did wander. A lot. He also loved to make sure…

Tried to stay friends.

Craziest thing I’ve done after a breakup? Gained 40 lbs, had sex once and a mental breakdown twice.

after getting dumped in high school, i came home in tears and announced that i was going to slash his tires. i dramatically asked my mom where the box cutter was and she gave me a big hug and said “no, sweetie. what you want is a hammer and a screw driver.”

Is this you?

No no, you guys. THIS ONE:

CENTER STAGE! Holy crap do I love the final performance...

My Dad was one of those early pirates who used 2 VCRs to copy movies, so I grew up with no respect for copyright laws. My punishment is that our summer house is now filled with about a thousand old videotapes that my father won’t let me throw out.