Include also: Maggie Smith, Helen Mirren. When any of these 3 amazing ladies die I am going to be an absolute wreck.

When Julie Andrews dies I'm going to lock myself in a sealed room and drown myself in my own tears. She is a treasure and I fucking love her.

Two things:

I once witnessed a friend's child sob "YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE... AND MY DAY!"

Awwwwwwwwwww. My family still does "It's PRECIOUS TO MEEEEEEE," because that's what I would sob at my mother when she'd throw away the garbage/scraps of rando paper from under my bed.

as a too-old-to-throw-tantrums child, 8 or 9, after a day hiking, Dad would not let me bring my walking stick home in the car. My filthy, rotting, branch I'd been using as a walking stick. Complete meltdown, screaming sobbing in the mud;

picking the crusted anything off my body and inspecting it carefully only to throw it gleefully onto the floor to be swept up at a later date.

I am not otherwise OCD but when I buy Froot Loops (not very often) I have to make sure I have one and only one of each color/flavor on every spoonful. I will go to great lengths to make this happen. Also, I feel like it's cheating if I use any method to get the colors/flavors on my spoon besides just my spoon. It's a…

Your town ran out of strangers?

Sometimes when I'm alone in my car listening to NPR, I will repeat the stories in an accent. Especially if the reporter HAS that accent, because then I can perfect it. But also just randomly, I'll just repeat after the host, reciting the story using a British, Scotish, Australian, Indian, French, Russian, or some…

I had a lot of sex with strangers before I got married. That had to stop for the obvious reasons.

"I am writing this while drinking rum and eating Cadbury mini eggs in bed."

"This could mean taking your pants off to eat a beautifully arranged cheese plate"

i have my own spot on a couch, nobody else allowed to sit there. I won't share my wine unless you bring food. I like going to movies and theater and travel alone.

I'm not kidding, more people need to speak out about the injustices of flying coach.

today was the best day of that headline writer's life

He does seem like kind of a dick, but that's super disappointing. Ah well, you can join us on Team Beakman.