I'm so drunk I use Windows Defender.

I'm always drunk. For real.

What a horrible fucking asshole. Someone could have gotten seriously injured by a crashing drone. I don't care whether I like the music or not, the guy is a total piece of shit for doing that. If he honestly had such a problem with a drone recording him, he should've stopped playing and bitched about it into the mic,…

Roll over on your back (it makes it easier) take your reg out, look straight up at the surface, puff up your cheeks a little bit with air and say "poot"

Yep, its easy-peasy with scuba gear or an air hose.. many moons ago, I had a job at small theme park where I got paid to blow air rings and generally act like an underwater clown.

There was no "i" thing going on in those days…

Obligatory

If this had been at Michigan State University, they wouldn't have lifted the train, they would have just flipped it over with ease and drunkenly danced on top of it

It is for when black moms buy them used. Racism is fun!

I swear to god, each and any of my known folks - colleagues - friends - relatives - neighbors - the ones who are least interested in cars / driving - they all freaking drive Camry and or corolla.

Hey you little piece of shit, you blamed the brand and model of car for his death. Fuck you. Show me he was wearing a helmet and we'll talk.

"When life hands you landslides, make your own private toll road detour."

Future anthropologists and geologists will say it was a mating ritual. "The ancient 21st century cave dwellers who dug the deepest hole had the best chances at mating and reproduction. They sought not only shelter, but shiny rocks to impress the potential DNA pool."

Now you can drop out!

Let me know when someone close to you dies and I'll crack a bunch of stupid jokes to see how you take it.

I think you're looking too far back. Apple II vs. Commodore 64 is moot; It was the mouse-centric Macintosh that brought computers to the dorms and living rooms. It took Microsoft years to arrive on the scene that Apple created.

I sometimes forget that different Gawker blogs have somewhat different methods of humor. On Jalopnik, we tend to be a bit deadpan about things, though we sometimes enjoy exaggerating things for the sake of making a point.

Some people have likened Steve Jobs to the devil. Those people are morons.