You are there to answer some damn questions.

As a Knicks fan this sounds like an improvement

99 little bugs in the code
99 little bugs
Take one down
Patch it around
105 little bugs in the code

He was initially charged with reckless driving but after review it was determined the guy wasn’t set and the call was reversed. 

Whatever you think of his take, you have to acknowledge that Bill Simmons’s history definitely gives him a position to criticize a person for trying to lure talent away from another organization to join his own.

Learned this in Chicago (15 years ago, mind) but I suppose it works anywhere: if a rush-hour train is running behind schedule, it has to pick up more passengers, which slows it down more. Meanwhile, the train behind it has fewer passengers to pick up, and so runs faster. Therefore, if the train you’re waiting for is…

In this case, “unsportsmanlike conduct” is cover for “Dude, we can’t afford to replace that ball, and we only have this stadium until 7pm!”

If only their offense was more rounded.

I bruised my hand raking leaves yesterday.

There are a lot of bad GMs throughout sports but Deadspin really needs to get over this current trend where they think every team should spend as much money as possible. It's a really annoying pattern and boring, thoughtless analysis. 

“Stopping Aaron Hernandez is key for the St. Louis defense.”

Kerr better be careful with his load management or he’ll get fined for self-tampering

Was the Asian kid you?

It may seem like Kyrie is contradicting himself but it’s like the old saying goes, “There’s two sides to every planet.”

Let’s Remember Some Dives

That’s what they get for trusting someone named “Georgie Businsessman”

this pokemon’s got a weird dick, 8.9 pikachus

Now you’ve gotten the full Ashley experience.