Ahh, the internet. Without it, I think Microsoft Excel would have failed as a product, its use is so opaque. When is it a comma and when is it a colon, and more importantly, in 2015 WHY DO I HAVE TO FUCKING KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!

I so want somebody to talk about the need of more gun control that I do not care.

Yes! I sent this tip. As someone who knows Stacey Newman personally, I can attest that she is one of the most kick-ass women I have ever met. She is always fighting the good fight for women in Missouri, and is someone we can all be proud of. Plus, she’s super nice, smart, and funny.

I disagree with Senator Graham on pretty much all the issues, but out of all the people running for the Republican nomination, he’s always struck me as the most competent, serious, and reasonable candidate (arguably because he’s never been in any of the main-stage debates). Which says a lot about the rest of them.

At this rate my Facebook video of suntory whiskey will be viewed for a relaxing time it’s suntory time. Suntory is also a word that can be rearranged to spell not sure. If you hallucinated an s in there somewhere.

I was a bond trader in the 80’s and was lucky enough to be invited to some Memphis in May events by a group proudly identified as “The Memphis Bond Daddies”. Their “logo” was a vulture wearing a Rolex accompanied with a banner that read “Bondacious Daddicus”.

Remember kids: Black Lives Matter is a bunch of whiners who are looking for reasons to be offended. The real oppression is a lack of Christmas iconography on your coffee cups.

Mother, May I Trick with Strangers?

Fuck this dude. He sounds like an annoying asshole.

I’v fucking had it with these magazines and media oulets referring to black and latina women as “so and so’s baby mama” - it’s racist af! They don’t refer to Nichole Kidman as Tom’s Cruise’s “baby mama” or any white woman who has a child with any white man of any level of fame.

Lol how many designers do you imagine are cutting patterns and sewing? Maybe you don’t know what you’re talking about.

Okay, guy.

Easily the best thing to come out of Michael Ian Black’s mouth since Bradley Cooper.

Change the setting and it could be a Flannery O’Connor story. Great catch.

I respect Hannibal Buress more by the day.

DIE

At least John McCain has her back (or did in 2012):

So Joint London reimagined St. Nick as a jolly man who spreads the joy of Christmas and also spends everythang on Alexander Wang.