Mine were "I can eat all three pieces of pizza at my desk before lunchtime if I want to, that's the joy of being an adult."

What a teeny tiny little joy she is!

Not just Phoenix. Most Arizona police in my experience, even in Tucson, are really tough on jaywalking. They're actually really tough on just about anything compared to other places I've lived. Serious power trips. I got pulled over on I-17 for going 6 mph over the speed limit.

Janice and Courteney Cox should probably back away from the plastic surgery now.

Love her, but like a cat that you know could hiss and scratch you at any time.

The last 5 weddings I went to were country themed. Barn wedding venues. Mason jars. Boots. Thank you, fucking Pinterest.

Dude, one of those circles is in Yolo, not Sac County.

Ha, well, there's that, too. ;)

Those big refueling planes always amaze me. My dad flew them a long time ago.

In 10 years I bet they'll have everything back and more. Life kind of is about the little conveniences. Washing machines and all those appliances we love were invented for a reason.

I've taken my stuff to the social services center in my little town. Places where people go for employment help or a women's shelter might be a good idea. A lot of women don't have the money to afford appropriate work clothing.

I've been waking up with a blurry eye recently. I'm sure it's from reading little line items on a screen all day.

I know I've totally said that more than once to different people. I really do not like her. She was horrible in Groundhog Day and everything else I've seen her in.

This was part of a Lance Armstrong internet rabbit hole I got sucked into one day.

I think it's ok for people to be uncomfortable with it for whatever reasons, but really, it boils down to being their personal problem. It's not the responsibility of the breastfeeding mother to worry about offending people while feeding her baby.

When my kids went together to parties, I'd usually find two smaller gifts to give. Like two $10 gifts.

I genuinely thought you'd photoshopped her to look like an elf when I first looked at this.

I've been using jojoba oil a lot with really great results.

It was the worst!

I feel like she either smells like crappy incense or like old shitty perfume like Exclaimation. With an undercurrent of b.o.