Just give it another 10 years and you'll come back around.

The feelings I fought to repress were a perfect inverse of the circumference of his crotch protrusion. Like a personal Battle of the Bulge was being raged inside me.

"They're All Gonna Laugh At You" should be the tagline of every slam poetry reading.

…And You Will Know Them By The Nine Inches Of Nails

The Slam Poetry scene is in need of some fresh blood…

"This sick bastard's been off his Ritalin for weeks. He's started running in some bad circles and can't seem to slow down. FBI Codename: Fidget Spinner."

I think he would have been better served adding violins. Adding more violence to a NIN album is like introducing more processed starch and sugar to my diet.

"…uneasy lies the hand that wears the crown."

Think about it this way: they get to keep their rollover episodes and have twice the chance to win next year! It's the Process in action.

Because it's extremely fetch.

I really hope that one McPoyle brother gets a nod for Supporting Actor.

Every year the nominations seem more and more like a cry for help. Has anyone checked on the Emmy's in a while? Why don't you maybe take them out for lunch some time, and don't press too hard, just let them know you're there for them. I think it would be a nice gesture.

Best Portrayal of a Young Jim Parsons & Outstanding Makeup for a Multi-Camera Series or Special? Jim Parsons!

Kevin from The Office is my spirit animal.

I feel like they missed their chance to make a fresh start and re-brand themselves as the Dab-Kings. The youths would be all over that shit!

Linkin Park empowered me to almost flunk out of middle school two years in a row before I took my headphones off. The empowerment was too strong and I just couldn't handle it. What a ride though!

I would watch the absolute fuck out of that movie, and I'd buy the collector's edition magnifying glass too.

Yeah, she's great too. I'm just not sure an Eddie Murphy's The Klumps style treatment starring Leighton Meester is the right direction for the project.

That would definitely jump the snark.

The amount of time I just spent thinking up a screenplay where the cast of Gossip Girl is hunted down one by one by assassins absolutely dwarfs the amount of time I even considered watching this movie.