Hand-crafted from only the firmest redwood, these wonderful Weasley wands will have you wailing "Slugulus Eructo" until you are slugless.

Slow down, you're movin' too fast

Granger Danger!

And for some reason it reminds her of his brother.

"Your honor, the defense calls Treebeard to the stand."
"I'll allow it, but make it snappy"

I really hope they asked for a summary judgement, because all those poems and songs in made up languages can get really tedious.

Can that Time-Turner allow for multiple Hermiones in one place at the same time? Asking for a mate.

Well she's not really one to let such nice wood go to waste.

The Triwizard Cuck

Their friendship just wasn't ever the same after Ron got his wand snapped in half in the back seat of that flying car.

That old hat is a huge hit at swingers parties. And more than just the watches go inside.

All it takes is a few jugs of Butterbeer and pretty soon everyone's entering the Restricted Section.

Severus Snape and the Skeevy Ethereal Spank-Bank

I think he's somewhere on the sexy spectrum

"Damn girl, are you a Parseltongue? 'Cause my serpent is responding to your oral machinations."

Free shit and I don't even live in Chicago. I'll take it.

Wanghardium Levioslurp

Professor Quirrell and the Sexually Aggressive 8th Year

My Forbidden Forest has been looking fairly Hagrid lately…

Harry Potter and the Gobbling of Fire Crotch