The Greatest Generation… in the sack.

Shit, who knows what they're cutting it with these days. Just be glad it isn't talcum powder.

I spent my formative years watching the Science Guy, so I'm Generation Nye.

I thought he was quite villainous. But then again, I think that about every man who is taller than me.

I'm a Millennial Falcon!

This is, bar none, the best math I've seen all day.

Xennial ain't just a river in Xgypt

I try to avoid using such labels on myself like "millennial" or "not sexually active."

Ram8dan: Fast, Furious

We use every part of the pink slime… to honor it.

Sand and ferns I think.

Gluten free prison slop

"Give him the chair! No, the other kind!"

Mother, should I run for president?
Mother, should I trust the government?

At this moment, I'm having a hard time imagining anything more unpleasant than vegan prison food.

*Pulls off mask*
GASP! He was Daniel Day-Lewis all along!

"Buzz Aldrin— total loser. Beaten to the moon by Lance Armstrong, who— by the way— only has one ball. Well, he did make those— you ladies love bracelets right?— he made a tremendous amount of bracelets to fight cancer— cancer is very bad, huge deal— tremendous bracelets."

Shit, I missed your Brian Regan reference. Alright, you can yell as much as you'd like.

Please use your indoor voice. This is your last warning.

I definitely have an asshole, but I try not to let it define me.