Well I never been to Spain
But I kinda need the bad pussy

Everyone's got a cousin like that. It's a tough thing to admit that you were that cousin.

I made the mistake of believing that being 14 made me a man. The tie really should have been the first clue that I wasn't even close.

One of the biggest mistakes of my life was wearing a yellow SpongeBob tie to my cousin's bat mitzvah. Damn thing added like 6 years to my virginity.

Ohh you meant BAYER asprin…
*slowly removes asprin from between bear's knees*

It's pretty disheartening what some of these poor saps will do for a klondike bar these days.

I was born in the early '90s and i guarantee I still shit the bed less than this cheese-dick lawyer.

I'm pretty sure anything that died during the ice age is public domain by now.

*RAAAWWWRRR*
Google translate: "I'm so fucked up"

Ehh, the honey always ends up stuck to everything by the end, doesn't much matter where it starts out.

Either way, you're going to need a lot of asprin

His stunt double didn't

"Growl once for yes"
*Earth-shattering roar*
"Works for me"

Secretary of Sadness

Can Mark Gatiss please play a morbidly obese vampire hunter in a special episode? Like he's completely discarded all hope of catching Dracula and just sits around eating garlic bread all day. Flan Helsing perhaps. I'm pretty drunk.

Addicted to abstinence, just saying no, and whatever the bloody fuck that just was.

bearly legal

unrepeatable?

To quote the ever prescient Men In Black: "Hypnotizer, neuralizer,
Vivid memories turn to fantasies"

That box would be so full of shit by now that you could tell from Saturn whether or not it has a cat in it.